Invader Zim's Doomed Dare Show Of Filthy DookieStuff
by xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx
Summary: I MADE A DARE SHOW! Yes, and muffins. Just keep it T-rated, m'kay? Just T-rated... BTW - sadly I'm a slow updater soooo don't expect a schedule for when I'll update.
1. Chapter 1

**xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx's A/N: Invader Zim is (c) of Jhonen Vasquez, 'nuff said. Enjoy.**

The room is eerily dark (how cliché) and soundless, you could literally hear a pin drop.

"HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LIGHTS?" a mystery person YELLED.

Suddenly, there is a swarm of STROBE LIGHTS and LASERS and SMOKE MACHINES. The Invader ZIM theme song blares loudly from an unknown source and vibrates off the white walls. A rather SHORT figure appears on the stage, smiling evilly. He narrows one bluish-gray eye. The DISGUSTING audience CHEERS thunderously, wildly waving their arms in the air. They are eagerly awaiting the TORTURE the contestants will be enduring later on.

"Yes, yes, I understand you're excited to see my AMAZING self," the figure gushes.

"WE LOVE YOU!" a fangirl SCREAMS from the crowd. A pair of panties is flung from the masses of hyoo-mans and lands on the figure's head. The figure seems to have an uncalled for SPAZ attack, screaming and harshly trying to pry off the FEMININE underwear. The spectators are blissfully oblivious of the poor creature's current HORROR. He finally TEARS the undergarments off his green head. Scowling, he DROPS it on the floor and BOOTS it off the stage. He stares at the spot on the floor the discarded PANTIES had been.

"_Disgusting hyoo-mans and their filthy girly, frilly things_," he glances up. **_"SILENCE! I AM ZIM!_**"

The crowd becomes utterly QUIET as they gaze expectantly at the ABNORMALLY small Irken.

"*ahem* Now, it has come to my attention that you human stinkys enjoy the _HORRIBLE_ game of Truth or Dare. IN FACT, you seem to worship it. So, I conjured up the most_ INGENIOUSLY EVIL_ scheme of **ALL TIME! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **- Oh, eh, let me introduce you to the priso- I MEAN, contestants of the show ~"

A hovering screen THING floats down from the ceiling and lists the "contestants" in CAPITAL letters. A HARSH ROBOTIC voice reads the following names aloud:

DIB

GAZ

G.I.R.

KEEF

TAK

MIMI

LARD NAR

INVADER SKOODGE

NICK

ANY OTHER CHARACTER THAT HAS NOT BEEN LISTED TOO! :D

Zim stares thoughtfully at the screen for a few minutes, then turns to look back at the audience - who are all smiling like a MADMAN may I add. He spreads open his arms in a SEMI welcoming gesture.

"It is up to you to determine their fates. That is all."

The crowd ERUPTS into a fierce ROAR of enthusiasm. That is, until another figure hurls itself onto the stage.

"WAIT!"

Alarmed, everyone turns their attention to the owner of the voice. It's a young teenage girl with dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes. She carries a suitcase in her right hand and a map in the other.

"xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx? Wh-what are you doing here? Aren't you going on vacation?" Zim asked (demanded) nervously.

"Well, duh! That's why I left you in charge of my account whilst I'm away," she smiles. "I just wanted to say goodbye to you and everyone else! Where are they anyway?"

Pause.

"Oh, you know. Around..."

"I see, well, bye!"

The girl pats Zim on the head (to which he growls at) and strolls passed him. Before she heads out the door though, she adds one more thing.

"Oh, and no using my account for world domination. I finally got Dib to believe I'm not your personal assistant."

Then, she leaves.

"_Inferior she-beast_," he spat. "Well, leave your dares and truths in the reviews or** FACE THE WRATH OF ZIM**!"

Abruptly, there's a puff of MAGICAL SMOKE (XD) and Zim is no where to be seen.

"No, he's over there, behind that rock," a random guy stated, pointing to the BOULDER. He scratches his head. "How did that get there?"

Indeed, there was the SMALL Irken "invader" peering over the rock at the audience.

"YOU SPEAK OF LIES, FILTHY EARTH PIG! LIES!" Zim HOLLERED at him, then ran off the STAGE.

* * *

**xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx A/N: Well, you heard the man! Write a review or FACE HIS WRATH! DO IT NOW!**

**Zim A/N: You're still here?**

**xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx A/N: Yup!**

**Zim A/N: xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx.**

**xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx A/N: Yes?**

** Zim A/N:_ Get out._**

** xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx A/N: *hangs head in shame* Okay... *walks away with suitcase* **


	2. Chapter 2

It's DARK again. There's a FLASH of light and the stage is suddenly visible. Zim balances right at the very EDGE of the platform and teases the RAVENOUS fangirls with an autographed picture of himself and the entire Invader Zim cast. They growl and claw at each other, fighting for the precious souvenir. He releases the picture and the hyoo-mans dive after it like RABID BEAVERS. Zim laughs in amusement.

Just then, an Irken girl with pitch black eyes enters through the back of the set, grinning DEVILISHLY. She sneaks onto the stage and tiptoes behind Zim, who is busy observing the DISGUSTING fangirls. She raises her arms and THRUSTS them onto the male's shoulders, exclaiming, "Aw, poor xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx! Zimmeh, that's not very nice. Have fun on your "vacation!""

Zim SCREAMS and PLUMMETS onto the floor below, BANGING his green head off the tile. Groaning, he picks himself up, only to be POUNCED on by MILLIONS of fangirls. The autographed picture lay on the floor, a tear sprouting from it's non-existent eye. The Irken girl laughs at the HORRID scene, WOLFING down some Buttery Butter Popcorn and Poop Cola. Zim somehow manages to crawl back onstage, sending a resentful GLARE at the female. He gets to his feet and brushes off the FILTH on his uniform.

"What do _YOU_ want, "_Invader"_ Nae?" he DEMANDED, crossing his arms.

"I am your first darer," she proclaimed PROUDLY. "ALRIGHTY DEN! I gots some dares and truths... And stuffs... Dib! Go...eat...a Bigfoot fetus!"

Zim grinned WICKEDLY and snapped his fingers. The Dib-thing materialized between the two Irkens, GAGGED and HOG-TIED. His glasses FLASHED in dismay, looking up at the Irkens who LOOMED over him. They both grinned at him. The HYOO-MAN began wriggling around the stage like THE LITTLE WORM HE IS! Zim SNATCHED Dib by the collar of his trench coat and THREW him into a chair that had risen up from the floor along with a table. A tube snaked down from the ceiling and placed a plate with a GIGANTIC steaming Bigfoot fetus on it and some silverware. Nae SLITHERED over to the young paranormal investigator and untied Dib's gag.

"You won't get way with this ZIM!" he SCREAMED.

"I already did Dib-stink" the Irken declared, gesturing to the set.

"Will you two shut up and feed him the d*mn sh*t already?" a voice called from the crowd.

"Alright, alright," Zim sighed. "You ruined all the fun..."

Nae picked up the fork and STABBED a piece of the poop.

"Here comes the train! Chaga-chaga choo-choo!"

"I'm not going -!"

The Irken girl SHOVED the fetus down the boy's throat. He had no choice but to swallow, GAGGING in the process. There was a chorus of "EWWWW!"s from the crowd. Zim and Nae ROARED in laughter as the boy began to vomit.

~10 minutes later~

After cleaning up the set a bit and everyone CALMED DOWN, Dib was given a bucket and Invader Nae continued with her dares.

"Gaz, you're cool. So cool, you gotta strap two giant bags of ice to you and walk around on ice skates. That's how cool you are."

The scary Goth girl appeared on stage, wearing ice skates with two bags of ice attached to them, playing her Game Slave 2.

"Whatever..." she muttered and started skating around the stage.

"GIR! STUFF YOUR FACE SO FULL OF CUPCAKES THAT YOU EXPLODE!"

GIR and a replica of a city made of cupcakes appeared onto stage.

"Okie dokie!"

He then proceeded to reenact the movie King Kong while also stuffing them down his throat. He exploded soon after. The Irken girl giggled at him. She then turned her sights on -  
"ZIM!"

Startled, the male turned to face her, bug-eyed.

"Zim!?"

"YES, ZIM! YOU SHALL MARRY MEH AND IT WILL BE WONDERFUL, AND THEN WE WILL KISS AND LIVE TOGETHER FOREVER, PLANNING WORLD DOMINATION AND KILLING THINGS!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY MUST THIS BE?!"

Then, he was KNOCKED OUT with a frying pan.

~Sometime later~

The stage was decorated with beautiful sea blue ribbons and creamy white roses. All the girls were fitted with nice knee-length creamy white gowns and the boys wore sea blue tuxedos. And then there was all that other wedding bull-crap. That guy who sat at the piano started playing and everyone became silent. Invader Nae walked down the aisle wearing a gorgeous creamy white trumpet wedding dress and held a bouquet of roses, crying tears of joy. GIR came up behind her wearing a cute little tuxedo and throwing sticks of butter at everyone, laughing like a maniac. Nae finally made it under the makeshift altar and smiled at the unconscious, chained up Zim. The priest, Dib, began the prayer thingies, but soon gave up. He threw the Bible behind him and asked for the rings.

"Here ya go!" the best man, Keef, handed Nae the two golden rings.

"Thank you," Nae whispered sweetly.

Keef blushed and walked back to his spot.

"Do you, Invader Nae, take this IRKEN-SCUM as your lawfully wedded husband for as long as you both shall live?"

"H*ll yeah, I do!" she exclaimed. Dib smiled.

"Do you, _Zim,_ take Nae as your lawfully wedded wife for as long as you both shall live?"

"..."

"I'll take that as a yes!" Dib chirped. "You may now kiss the bride!"

Invader Nae leaned in and engulfed Zim in a long, meaningful kiss. Everyone cheered - well except Gaz, but she did smile a bit. Nae finally pulled away from her new husband and turned around.

"HEY," she yelled, earning everyone's attention. "I'm about to throw this (she held up the roses) so, ya'know, catch it!"

The black-eyed Irken turned her back to the audience and threw the bouquet over her head. It soared over the many reaching hands and landed right on Gaz's head. The girl opened her squinted eyes in shock and removed the flowers. She stared at it for a moment or so, then looked up. Many bachelorette's eyed the young girl angrily. Gaz rolled her eyes and threw the roses on the floor.

"Go for it," she spat, walking away with her gaming system.

The women dog-piled onto the flowers.

"...Gah..My amazing noggin aches...Eh? WHAT IS THIS?!"

Zim had finally woke up...There's gonna be h*ll to pay...

~after many divorce papers later~

It was awkward on the now cleaned up stage. Zim was glaring DAGGERS at his EX. Dib twiddled his thumbs as he sat in his chair, absentmindedly humming. Gaz played her Game Slave, but did look up every now and then to see if anything was happening. GIR was, well, being GIR...

"Well, that didn't work as planned," Nae thought aloud, rubbing the back of her neck. "Well, onto my truths... GIR, give me a very long and detailed description of what is happening in your mind at this very moment..."

GIR approached Nae and tugged on her uniform. She leaned down to be eye-level with the little robot. He sucked in a BIG LOAD of air then...SCREAMED and had a SPAZ ATTACK. Invader Nae jumped back. When she got back up, she turned to the audience.

"SO...yep...hm...okay...well...cows...BYE ZIMMY! BYE xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx!"

She exited in a puff of fairy dust.

"That wretched she-beast thinks she can force me into a wedding and then call me ZIM-MY?!" he yelled. "Oh, she _will_ pay! You hear that Invader Nae? You will rue the day you ever messed with ZIM!"

He STORMED off the stage.

"What did he mean,- you'd "rue the day"?"

**"**Yeah, what does "rue" mean?"

**"**No one knows!"

The Invader Zim cast face-palmed (excluding GIR and Keef).

* * *

**Zim A/N: There you go Earth-stinkies, the first episode of my amazing dare show. You should be glad I take precious time out of MY day to do this for you. Well, hopefully, it will be worth it in the end... Invader Zim signing off ~  
**


	3. Chapter 3

It's not DARK, but actually quite BRIGHT. Everyone is talking and eating ham and glue sandwiches (complimentary of GIR) and drinking Poop Soda. Even Zim happily sits cross-legged onstage nibbling on an IRKEN sandwich and making small talk with Gaz. That is, until another darer appears.

"Hi" A perfectly normal female Irken walks on stage. "I am Neko as some people call me, my friend Wolv couldn't be here she was caught...in a um... IN A TRAFFIC JAM! At um...a jail? But anyways, here are my dares!"

Zim stared at her for a moment with a puzzled look, but then set his sandwich down on a plate and grabbed a microphone. He tossed it at her.

"Go ahead" he said.

"GIR, I DON'T CARE HOW MANY TACCOOS YOU EAT, EAT THEM TILL YAH THROW UP!"

"Yahoo!" the robot CHEERED and dove into a pile of tacos.

"Tak, go jump in a pool of water!"

Tak poofed onto stage in a bathing suit. Baffled, she looked around and spotted Zim.

"You! I should've known this was your doing! Stupid moron! First you take my mission, then this?!"

She was about to ATTACK the male before Neko intervened.

"Actually, it was my fault! NOW GO JUMP IN THAT POOL!"

A pool appeared in the middle of the stage. Zim shivered, thankful he wasn't he one to SUFFER THE HORRIBLE PAIN of the deadly water. Tak stared at the female Irken beside her, a SHOCKED expression on her face.

"Are you crazy?! That could kill me!" she YELLED at Neko.

"Sucks to be you!" Neko shrugged and pushed the purple-eyed female into the pool.

There was a few minutes of SCREAMS and SIZZLING noises before it was silent...

"HA! Zim wins again!" Zim BOASTED, placing his hands on his hips.

"Wha...?" a random Vortian wondered ALOUD. "You didn't even do anything!"

"...YOU'RE LYING!"

Neko laughed then went on to her next target.

"Dib, go kill yourself"

"But...but..."

A tube came from the ceiling and produced a pistol to Dib.

"But...BUT I DON'T WANNA DIE!" He cried, his eyes pleading for MERCY.

"Whiner!" Gaz YELLED from her chair.

"DO IT!" Neko SCREAMED at him.

Hesitantly, Dib brought the gun up to his head and pulled the trigger. He sailed across the stage, crimson blood staining the white floor.

"I didn't think he'd actually do it!" Neko BURST out laughing. Zim joined in her laughter. The girl suddenly became SERIOUS and stared blankly at Zim. TEN minutes pass before the male Irken realizes her stare.

"What?"

"Zim," she began, placing a laser gun in Zim's FAITHFUL hands. "Shoot anyone yah want, EXCEPT ME... I dare yah..."

"BLARGH!" GIR ROARED, stomach bloated with all the TACOS he had consumed. He began vomiting... Neko stared in AWE at GIR as Zim tried to decide who to shoot.

"Hmm..Hmmm..HMMMMMMMMM? Eh, YOU!" he pointed at the random Vortian in the crowd.

"Me?"

"Yes, you," Zim DECLARED. "PREPARE FOR YOUR MISERABLE FATE!"

He aimed at the poor Vortian and SHOT him. He fell with a _KAA-PLUMP_ and lay motionless on the floor. A janitor came by, swept the corpse into a garbage can with a broom, and walked away. Zim smiled, PROUD of himself of ridding his base of the little nuisance.

"Tak, admit it you like Zim"

"Eh?" Zim spun around, a dumbfounded look on his adorab- I mean UNSTOPPABLE KILLING-MACHINE-like face.

Neko was hanging on Tak's dripping wet uniform, staring up at her with SPARKLING eyes.

"Up yours!" the female Irken SPAT, pushing the girl off of her. Neko shrugged then turned to Zim.

"Zim, admit it your awesome"

"I am aren't I? :) I mean, HOW DARE YOU COMPLIMENT ZIM! ZIM NEEDS NO COMPLIMENTS!"

The PERFECTLY NORMAL Irken female frowned, before turning to Dib and SHOUTING, "DIB, YOU HAVE A HUGE FREAKIN' HEAD! DEAL WITH IT!"

"MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!"

(Insert Dib pouting session here)

"Gaz, I like you (gives GS8 3D) I MADE THAT ON IRK! U LIKEZ IT NUN?"

"...I-I love you..." Gaz snatches the Game Slave from Neko's OUTSTRETCHED hands.

"YAY! ANYWAY I AM DON HERE!"

A SIR UNIT crashes through the roof, EXCLAIMING, "MISTRESS TAKE MY HAND!"

Neko takes her hand LIKE A BOSS.

"TO WONDERLAAAAAND!"

They CRASH through the roof leaving two GAPING holes. Zim gasps DRAMATICALLY.

"YOU'RE PAYING FOR THAT!" he SCREAMED.

* * *

**Zim's A/N: *rubs temples* Why? Just...why?**

**GIR"S A\N= BUY PURTY LADEEEEE! :DDDDD**

**Zim A/N: GIR? Aren't you supposed to be fixing the roof?**

**gIR'S A?N; O, i alreade did that!**

**Zim A/N: How?**

**GIR a/N: Toophpaste1!1!**

***The roof collapses in the background***

**Zim A/N: CURSE YOU, NEKO! CURSE YOU!**


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone is sleeping, well except for Tak and Zim since they're IRKENS and they DON'T SLEEP. The two were playing the HORRIBLE Earth game of poker. **LLLL**LLLLllloo_onnnggg _minutes passed before they _FINALLY_ determined a winner via their cards: Tak. The female SMIRKED at Zim victoriously and SNATCHED the monies in between them.

"STUPID EARTH GAMES!" Zim raged while Tak watched with GREAT AMUSEMENT.

"I guess we know who the TRUE Invader is now, huh?" Tak SNEERED and Zim RAGED some more.

"How does that make SENSE?"Random Ghost Vortian (from the last episode) asked. It seems he had not been sleeping after all.

"It doesn't have to make SENSE!" the purple-eyed Irken SNAPPED at him, STASHING the monies into her pocket.

"Whatever you say..."

Zim finally finished his RAGING and turned to the camera.

"Oh, we're recording! HELLO, and welcome back to INVADER ZIM'S DOOMED DARE SHOW OF FILTHY DOOKIESTUFF!" he SCREAMED, causing everyone to JERK awake. Many COMPLAINTS followed suit.

"DO YOU HAVE TO YELL?!" Dib BARKED at him.

"I DO ACTUALLY! I HAVE HEARING PROBLEMS," Zim RETORTED, indicating to his antennae. "NOW ONTO THE NEXT DARER! GIVE ME THE CHECKLIST!"

A staff member handed the male a clipboard with a checklist on it. Zim thanked him with a nod of his head.

"Okay, let's see who we have next," his CLAW-LIKE finger skimmed down the paper filled with names and hovered above one that had not been done. He FROZE. "Oh no.. it can't be...no..NO! It can't be -"

"WHAT'S UP?! ALICIASHEPPY IN THE HOUSE MOTHERF***AS!

"HOLY MOTHER OF IRK!" Zim SCREECHED and dove backstage.

A girl with black hair and glasses BURST through the wall with a white limousine, CACKLING like an INSANE person. She JUMPED out of the luxury vehicle, did a front flip, and landed onstage. Everyone gaped at her in IMPRESSED AWE. If that even makes SENSE...? Who cares. She BEAMED at everyone in a CREEPY fashion, then EXCLAIMED, "Hi there! I'm your next darer! I am also a PERSONAL FRIEND of xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx who has recently taken up the nickname shaDOW!"

Nobody said a word.

"SAY HI TO ME!" Alicia DEMANDED happily, bouncing **UP** and _down_.

"Hello, AliciaSheppy..." Everyone MUTTERED in unison.

"AWESOME! Now onto my dares! - WAIT! Where's Zim?!" she GASPED

"UNHAND THE ALMIGHTY ZIM YOU FOOLISH HYOO-MAN!"

Zim was CHUCKED back onstage by a buff guard. He SALUTED Alicia then trudged back to his post.

"Awww, there's our little host!" the teenage cooed, PINCHING Zim's green cheeks.

"GET YOUR FILTHY GRUBS OFF OF ME GIR-SPAWN!" Zim commanded LOUDLY.

"D*mn... Oh well, onto my dares," she pointed at Zim and Dib. "MAKE OUT WITH EACH OTHER FOR 1 MINUTE!"

"WHAT?!"

"NO FREAKING WAY!"

"You have to, it's a dare," Alicia stated MATTER-OF-FACTLY.

"Kiss him, kiss him!" GIR began. Alicia joined him. Then RGV (Random Ghost Vortian). Then Invader Nae. Then Neko. It soon became a LOUD CHANT.

"**KISS HIM, KISS HIM, KISS HIM, KISS HIM, KISS HIM...**"

"NO! I will _NEVER_ share SPIT with that DISGUSTING worm-baby!" Zim snarled stubbornly.

"**KISS HIM, KISS HIM, KISS HIM, KISS HIM, KISS HIM...**"

"Have you the brain worms?! I said I will not kiss _that...THING!"_

"**KISS HIM, KISS HIM, KISS HIM, KISS HIM, KISS HIM...**"

"NOOOOOO, ZIM WILL NOT -!"

"YOU WANT A KISS? WELL HERE'S YOUR STUPID KISS!"

Dib GRABBED Zim by the shoulders and SMASHED their lips together. Everyone GASPED, Alicia actually squealing with fangirlyness. The ZaDr were practically DYING from the tense...ness. Both males were as STIFF as a BRICK and blushing DEEPLY. It suddenly became QUITE quiet and when the one minute finally passed, to everyone's surprise, they separated without a word.

"Well, that was intensely awkward," Sheppy DECLARED, eying the two males. "GIR!"

"_Yeeesss?_" the defective S.I.R asked, a **BROAD** grin on his face.

"Chase your tail in circles for 2 minutes!"

"FINALLY!" he rooted then began chasing his tail. The audience aww'd.

"Now while GIR is busy with that, I have some truths! Zim, do you ever dance? If so, what is your favorite dance move?"

Zim, who had just SUDDENLY recovered from The Smooch, glared at Alicia in disgust.

"NONSENSE! Zim would never partake in such...DEMEANING hyoo-man activity!"

"Awwwww...DIB!"

"WHAT?!"

Alicia side-stepped over to Dib until she was SUPER-GLUDED next to him. He glared DAGGERS at her.

"Do you EVER do anything for fun?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like...fool around with...GIRLS? *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*"

Dib's face turned red as the question SUNK in.

"N-NO! I-I'm to busy with-with ZIM!"

Everyone GASPED and started laughing. Dib's face turned at darker shade of red and Zim fixed him with a NASTY look. The alien then began to RANT about how much he HATED the Dib.

"N-N-NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

"Dib, relax, it's FINE! No one here will JUDGE you on your SEXUALITY. What is said here STAYS here!" Alicia said sincerely, wrapping a comforting arm around Dib's shoulder. He pointed at a camera that was aimed directly at his face.

"BUT -!"

The girl cut him off by PUSHING the poor boy off the stage. He was quickly DEVOURED by a sea of RABID Dib fangirls.

"GIR, DO YOU POOP?!" Alicia turned excitedly to OGLE at the little robot-doggy...THING!

"_Noooo_...BUT I CAN DO DIS!"

GIR JUMPED out of his doggy disguise and opened the latch on his stomach. The little door opened and GIR stuck his hand in the square opening. He took out a CHUNK of MUSHY food, making GROSS hiccup noises. The crowd made RETCHING noises and Gaz rolled her brown eyes.

"Whiners..."

Alicia stared at GIR in awe.

"THAT...is the most disgusting thing I have EVER seen," She DEADPANNED. Then she EXCLAIMED, "I LOVE YOU!"

"I LOVE YOU TOO!"

She ENGULFED GIR in a hug, to which a GLEEFULLY accepted, while STUFFING the food back in his mouth.

"I think I'm going to be SICK," Tak choked out before BARFING.

Then the cast and audience proceeded to vomit to the tune Jingly Bells...

* * *

**Zim's A/N: That was HORRIBLE... I pray to The Irken Gods I NEVER see that WRETCHED hyoo-man AGAIN! *gags* Invader Zim signing off ~**


	5. Chapter 5

There was an OFFENSIVELY LOUD pounding of drums. The stage lights were going SPAZTASTIC and so was the crowd. Game Show music began to play and a robotic voice began to speak, "And now, the alien you've ALL been waiting for - the amazing, the spectacular - INVADER ZIM!"

The audience CHEERED. Said alien jogged onstage wearing a tuxedo. He looked quite HANDSOME.

"Hello loyal SERVANTS and welcome back to INVADER ZIM'S DOOMED DARE SHOW OF FILTHY DOOKIESTUFF - the show where YOU the viewer, are allowed to TORMENT the whole of the INVADER ZIM CAST! Up next we have -"

Woohoo!" RGV YELLED elatedly.

Zim STARED at him blankly.

"Yes...woohoo... Anyway, welcome to the stage Guests (who I have RANDOMLY named) Dakota and Lyric!"

The audience clapped and WHOOPED as two poker-faced stick figures waddled onstage.

"Yay! Finally, another dareshow someone made." Dakota said EXPRESSIONLESSLY. (S)he then teetered off the stage into the OCEAN of people and aliens.

"Hmmmm... Yes, it is quite AMAZING, isn't it," Zim mused. "Wait a minute! AN-OTHER DARESHOW?"

Dakota IGNORED him.

"I dare Dib to smash Gaz's Game Slave," Lyric requested just as BLANKLY as Dakota.

"Who in their right mind would do that? Tha's just STUPID!" Dib stated , alarmed.

"Stop whining Dib-stink, you sound like a LUMPGA (1) that has been starving for a million years! Now do the he-she's dare!" Zim spat, pointing to an irritated Gaz.

"Why does everyone want to kill me? :("

The young trench-coat wearing boy was then handed a sledgehammer and ushered over to Gaz (who was glaring at Dib with the strength of a thousand moons). Dib waved innocently at his younger sister, hiding the sledgehammer behind his back. Not that it did him any good, but whatevs.

"Oh, hello my dear sister," Dib squeaked, beads of sweat running down his forehead. "Do you mind if I borrow your Game Slave? Just for a few minutes?"

"Dib, I swear on my soul, if you do anything - and I mean ANYTHING - to screw up my game, God so help me, I WILL destroy you!" And with that threat in mind, Dib was reluctantly handed the Game Slave 8 3D.

Dib smiled nervously at her, then dropped the gaming system onto the floor and started hammering it to pieces. Gaz stared at the flying pieces of her Game Slave in wide-eyed horror. Oh, he was going to PAY! Dib, sweating, finally let go of the sledgehammer. He turned to Gaz.

"Oh, ummm opps," he shrugged uneasily. "My bad!"

Gaz was silent for a moment, then she began to shake with RAGE. An AGGRESSIVE snarl emanated from deep in her throat. She stood up and approached the scythed-haired boy. The scary girl took hold of his collar and brought his face to hers.

"I hope you LIKE NIGHTMARE WORLDS!" she BARKED. A vortex opened beside Gaz. Dib GASPED and STRUGGLED in her gasp, but to no avail. His eyes WIDENED as his DEMONIC sister THREW him into the vortex. His SCREAMS faded away to mere whimpers. In the background, you could vaguely hear: "YOU MUST DIE. IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZER, BAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"Hmp, stupid Dib and his giant paranormal head" she GLOWERED as she headed back to her seat, a regular ol' GameSlave 2 generating into her hands.

As everyone's INITIAL SHOCK (and Zim's HICCUPY giggles) faded away, Lyric made one last, "Yay." before ROCKETING A-_WAY_, adding to the collection of holes in the ceiling that have not been fixed yet.

"I'M WORKING ON IT!" Zim SCREECHED at the author.

Suddenly, Neko crashes thru the roof.

"OH COME ON!" Zim SCREECHED again.

"I FORGOT!" She EXCLAIMED. She held a bag of monies to Zim's face. "Here, to fix the newly fixed roof I just broke through so you can fix it cause it's not fixed anymore."

"THE AMAZING ZIM DOES NOT NEED YOUR PATHETIC OFFERING," the Irken male YELLED. But then added. "But where did you get it?"

"Oh... Did you not now the reason why Wolv was in jai- I MEAN TRAFFIC JAM!" As if on timing, another Irken female FELL through the roof.

"HIII!" She exclaimed "I AM WOLV NICE TO MEET CHAH! Or would you meet me, no I met you so that you met me so-" Neko covered her mouth. Wolv looked over to were Zim was and her eyes WIDENED. Wolv GLOMPED Zim.

"HAHAHA! ZIMMEH I MISSED UUUU!"

"RELEASE ME! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU!" After MANY minutes of STRUGGLING, Neko finally PRIDE her off

"OKAY DARE TIME!" She spun around to face Tak. "TAK, EXPLODE INTO A CUPCAKE :3!"

"How do I -?"

Congratulations, your Tak has evolved into a Tak-cake! Poor GIR had to be RESTRAINT as to make sure he didn't FEAST on the Tak-cake!

"DIB, COW STARCH!"

The Dib SUDDENLY appeared onstage, or at least his coat and glasses... the rest of him was just COW STARCH...

"GIR, WE LUVEDEDZ U SO MUCH!"

The two Irken females then proceed to GLOMP the CLUELESS S.I.R. He SPAZZED out then hugged them back. When their DISGUSTING cuddling session was done, the two PSYCHOTIC Irkens continued with their dares.

"MIMI, cling to GIRs head for the chapter!"

Tak's S.I.R. MORPHED onstage and BEGRUDGINGLY crawled on top of G.I.R.'s flat head, curling her fake tail over her face, HUMILIATED. G.I.R. couldn't have been more happy! :)

"GAZ, WE DARE YOU TO BE THE AWSOMEEST PERSON ON THE PLANET! If you win you get a sticker :3"

_**The author suddenly stops typing as she reaches the next line. Anger surged through her, but she manages to keep herself from raging as she forces herself to continue.**_

Neo and Wolv automatically give Gaz a sticker that says, "DIB SUCKS" on it.

_**The author mentally shudders at having to write something about Gaz being awesome, but she boldly scouts on.**_

"Zim," Wolv whispered, taking Zim by the shoulders. Zim looks at her in a BIZARRE manner. "If you truly hate Tak (hands him a lazergun), use it wisely..."

Zim fiddles with the DEADLY CONTRAPTION for a moment, then aims it at Tak-cake. With a WICKED cackle, he pulls the trigger. A SMOKING burn mark is all that remains.

"NOW ONTO OUR TRUTHS!" Neko PROCLAIMED.

"YOUR HOT!" Wolv GLOMPS Zim again.

"UP YOURS B**CH!" Neko FLIPS OFF the burn mark... *facepalm*

"Dib, you don't have a big head." Dib-cow-starch-thing bounces up and down happily "...U HAVE A TITANIC HEAD! IT MIGHT EVEN SPLIT IN HALF!"

Dib-cow-starch-thingy SCATTERS across the ground on a RAMPAGE. No one really notices.

"Gaz, you're _***shudder***_ awesome!"

Meekrob soldiers CRASH through the doors of the studio.

"We are looking for the ones named Neko and Wolv?" They said as the whole crowd POINTED to them.

"YOU WILL NEVER CATCH US ALIVE MEEKROBS!" Neko SHOUTED as she pulled out a rather LARGE black scythe out of her PAK. She then chased the SQUEALING Meekrobs out the doors.

"UNICORNS!" Wolv SHOUTED as she TWITCHED, she then followed after her best friend.

And in the center of the destroyed studio, heavy and untouched, lay a pile of monies...

* * *

**Zim's A/N: Since your pathetic human minds cannot comprehend the vastness of the universe and it's DISGUSTING creatures, this is what a LUMPGA is:**

**(1)LUMPGA: A nocturnal pale yellow blob-like creature with large green eyes, brown underbellies, and no visible hands or feet. A LUMPGA can go months without food and water. No exact number has been recorded. However, when their body does start it's starvation state, a LUMPGA will make long high-pitched screeches until it does find it's essential nourishment. (See profile for more information.)**

**I guess I am obliged to thank the two "lovely ladies" for giving me a generous amount of monies to fix the roof... BUT I'M NOT GOING TO! BECAUSE I'M ZIM! AND...AND...and... Well that's it... Invader Zim singing off ~**

_**(Sorry if anyone seems OOC... I was really tired while writing this... *snores*)**_


	6. Chapter 6

**DEAR FANFICTIONERS,**

**Zim is not dead. I ****_APOLOGIZE_**** for not updating as often as I should. Between that REVOLTING work of Skool's, Dib's constant IRRITATING PRESENCE, and preparing for your FILTHY planets DOWNFALL, it's been pretty STRESSFUL. Plus, it doesn't help all of my classmates are TALLER than me... That ACCURSED toilet...BUT THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT! What I am trying to get at is: it will take LONGER to update the dareshow and I am... ****_sorry. _So all is forgiven, yes? Good.**

**Now if you excuse me, I have some IMPORTANT BUSINESS to ATTEND to.**

**Love,**

**Zim**

**(P.S: We got our first letter from xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx who is CURRENTLY "in some dangerous forest of MYSTERY!")**


	7. Chapter 7

~Backstage (In Zim's EVIL Lab)~

"Well, I guess it's time to check how many dares we received," Zim sighed, getting up from working on his latest project for WORLD DOMINATION. He MARCHED over to Computer. "Computer, show me how many dares we have for the next episode. _Do it now!_"

"Ugh, fine...processing...**PROCESSING,**" A window opened up on Computer's screen. He typed in the search engine and went to xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx's account. "You have: 1 Personal Message dare, 17 reviews, 3 favorites, and 5 follows."

"Good, _very good_. WORLD DOMINATION will be mine in no time at all..." the LITTLE green Irken began to cackle...MENACINGLY.

"This guy's nuts!"

"Huh? Who?" Zim spun around only to come face-to-face with the CAMERA MAN. He jumped back. "You! What are you doing in here? Out! Scram! I command you!"

Spider-like legs emerged from Zim's PAK and he raised himself into the air. The camera man STEPPED back and yelled, "Relax man! I'm only doing my job!"

"Get out!"

A PAK leg struck the man, the camera FALLING out of his hands. The shot went static-y for a few seconds, GIRLISH SCREAMS escaping from the poor man. Then the screen went blank. Oh noez...

* * *

The stunned audience GAPED at the screen, HORROR etched onto their DISGUSTING faces. Then they...CHEERED? The Invader Zim cast was APPALLED, staring at the crowd as if they had just seen a GHOST.

"Ghost?" Dib GASPED, scrambling out of his chair. "Where?"

It was a figure of speech, smart stuff...

"Oh..." he sank back into his seat, disappointed.

"_Wow..._" Gaz said sarcastically.

Suddenly, Zim HURLED himself onstage, looking rather NERVOUS.

"HELLO, DISGUSTING FOLLOWERS," He tapped his fingers against each other, fake blue eyes DARTING around the set. "THE VIDEO YOU JUST SAW WAS MERELY A..eh...umm -PRANK! Yes, only a prank!"

Dib JUMPED out of his seat.

"YOU SADISTIC ALIEN SCUM!" he howled. Then, with a battle cry, he tackled Zim to the ground.

"STUPID EARTHLING SMEET, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Zim snapped, THROWING said STUPID Earthling smeet off of him.

"GUESS WHO MADE WAFFLES?!" G.I.R. DECLARED joyfully, SKIPPING out from backstage holding a platter of glowing green waffles.

"NOT NOW G.I.R! COME AND DEFEND YOUR MASTER!" Zim YELLED as he DODGED another ATTACK from Dib.

"But...but... BUT I MADE THEM WITH RADIOACTIVE LOVE!" the silver robot SCREECHED, BURSTING into tears. He THREW the waffles onto the ground and began RUNNING AROUND the set, crying and knocking over some EXPENSIVE cameras. Small FIRES BLOSSOMED from the WRECKAGE.

Even though she couldn't CARE LESS, Gaz GLARED up from her GS2 and muttered, "Their IDIOTIC antics are irritating me..."

"Tell me about it.."

Slightly SURPRISED, the LITTLE DEMON CHILD glanced beside her. Tak leaned against the wall next to her, right eye twitching. The purple-eyed Irken continued.

"The Empire should've DEACTIVATED that little defect a long time ago. But _no,_ his STUPIDITY made the Control Brains declare him the most EXTRAORDINARY INVADER TO EVER LIVE! _I _should have been given that title!"

Gaz rolled her eyes.

"At least you don't _live_ with him. I have to deal with Dib's STUPIDITY 24/7! It's always paranormal stuff here, Zim's an alien there, my head is humongous EVERYWHERE! Plus, he's always in my light..."

_"Please._ At least your brother didn't ruin your life!"

"At least Zim never turned you into a pig girl!"

"AT LEAST DIB DIDN'T TRY TO INTERFERE WITH YOUR PLANS!"

"AT LEAST ZIM DIDN'T DRINK THE LAST SODA!"

Then they started fighting because the author can't think of anything better to say. Plus, the author's too lazy to make certain words in caps. So, yea...

ANYWAY.

The crowd stares at the violent scene before them. Just...stares. Not much else. God, they're such creepers. Look! They aren't even blinking! Gah!

Suddenly, a shoe is dropped from the ceiling and hits one of the audience members. IRATE, said audience member whips around and snarls like a beautiful wild man defending some great uncle's garbage. Wait -what?

"WHO THREW THIS SHOE?!"

"YOUR MOM! #YOLOSWAG!"

The audience member punched the guy standing next to him in the face, and thus began a wrestling match in the middle of the crowd.

The cast was screaming and clawing at each other, howling profanities and dissing each other's character designs. The crowd was no different. Equipment was destroyed, hair ripped out, and explosions galore.

And as the chaos proceeded, no one noticed the figure crawling along the rafters of the stage. That is, of course, until it slipped and fell off. An ear-piercing screech erupted from it's mouth. It was so loud that it made everyone go deaf. Startled aliens and humans stopped fighting, very...STARTLED! Zim tugs on his antenna.

"Huh? What is this? Dib-stink! What is this human sorcery?!"

Dib gave Zim a confused look.

"What?"

"Wha-?"

Suddenly, the figure crushes Zim!

"HIYA ZIMMEH! HOW YA DOING?"

Zim, have regained his earring, glares up angrily at a smiling Nae.

"I thought you left..." he hissed. "Do you mind getting off of me?"

"Nah. I live in your ceiling now!" she beamed.

"Beautiful..."

"ANYWHO! I GOT SOME DARES! DIB!"

Dib deflated... :P

"N-no more! No more dooky!" he whispered pathetically.

"Awww, don't worry Dibby," Nae sneers, patting his large head. "I'm not going to hurt you..."

He sighs in relief.

"...I'M JUST GOING TO FEED YOU TO THIS OVERLY OBESE MIDDLE-AGED HOMELESS MAN! C'MON IN, HARRY!"

Suddenly, a dump truck crashes through the wall (destroying half the set in the process) and unloads a 50000000000000000000 pound man with a balding head and a bikini. Pizza sauce is smeared all over his cheeks..? Mouth? Forehead? I can't even tell... Sexy b**ch...

He let's out a resounding burp/fart and roars, "I'm hungry!"

Dib screams and runs away, but Harry eventually squishes him under his mounds of fat. Eating noises can be heard from the darkest corner of the stage... Everyone mentally shivers...

Nae bounds back onstage carrying an armload of Poop Cola and Glazy Donuts. She throws them in a heap on the floor.

"OH MAH TALLEST! I BROUGHT YOU SOME FOOOOOOOODDDDDD!"

The Armada pops onstage (destroying whatever's left of the set) and Nae bestows the food upon the Tallest. The black-eyed female gives them the famous Mad Hater stare, eagerly awaiting their praise. Purple happily squeals and dives into the snacks.

"Ummmmm...good job, soldier... Can you stop looking at us?" Red awkwardly pushes her away, to which she tips over and shatters into a million pieces. She automatically regenerates.

This is when Zim arrives. Yup, he's been gone this whole time working on the object to make Nae rue... stuff... You get what I'm saying. He uses a rag to polish it up.

ALRIGHTY, I GOTTA GO NOWS! SEE YA!"

Zim takes this time to shoot her, only to have it be deflected by her awesomeness. She kisses Zim and jumps back into... well, where the ceiling used to be. Meh, we'll just say she's on a magically floating rafter.

"YOU DARE KISS THE AMAZING ZIM WITH YOUR FILTHY LIPS?! OH, I REALLY AM GOING TO DESTROY YOU NOW!"

Abruptly, the stage caves in on itself and crushes it's inhabitants with wood and metal. Nae giggles madly.

* * *

**Zim's A/N: I hate her... I hate her SOOOOO MUCH! *stomps foot against the repaired wooden floor* Well, my last update stated we received a letter from xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx and I know you monkeys are all DYING to read it, so here it is:**

_**Dear my lovelies,**_

_**As you all know, I am on vacation in a mysterious forest, yes? Well, I decided to tell you what I'm doing! Yay! That's your cue to cheer in glee and stuff. You probably didn't... :(**_

_**The reason I'm in a forest is because I'm directing a few new movies! Guess where I am? No? Fine. Gravity Falls, Oregon which is surprisingly right next to Ponyville! You've probably saw the first part of my new movie, Of Fear and Secrets. If you haven't, get your a** over there and watch it! But my Gravity Falls movie might be a while depending on my level of tolerance and laziness. But until then, look out for it! Some Dipper X OC action maybe? I'm horrible... and lonely...**_

_**On another note, if you'd like, I'll answers some questions you wanna ask. Ask away, my lovelies. I am obligated to give you truthful replies. Unless it'll spoil something. So, yea that's all I wanted to say... Goodbye, my lovelies!**_

_**Love,**_

_**Caitlin Sydnie shaDOW xxXshaDOWsLASHERXxx**_

_**(P.S: Love the new girlfriend, Zim! I AM A PROUD SHIPPER OF ZIM X NAE!)**_

**GIRLFRIEND?! ZIM DOES NOT HAVE A LOVE-PIG! WHAT A MORONIC HUMAN! And doesn't she know these are stories, not movies? What a pathetic race... *leans against unsteady pillar and knocks it over, destroying the set* OH COME ON!**


End file.
